Lady Deliawithit

George R.R. Martin on writing women:

Sat, 18 May 2013 14:20:22 -0700

Interviewer: There's one thing that's interesting about your books. I noticed that you write women really well and really different. Where does that come from?
George R.R. Martin: You know, I've always considered women to be people.

"… the socialization of boys regarding masculinity is often at the expense of women. I came to..."

Sat, 18 May 2013 14:02:37 -0700

“… the socialization of boys regarding masculinity is often at the expense of women. I came to realize that we don’t raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women (or gay men). We teach boys that girls and women are “less than” and that leads to violence by some and silence by many. It’s important for men to stand up to not only stop men’s violence against women but, to teach young men a broader definition of masculinity that includes being empathetic, loving and non-violent.”

- Don McPherson, former NFL quarterback, feminist and educator (via albinwonderland)
I want more dudes, specifically dudes entrenched in masculine culture, to think and talk like this.

thedailywhat: Stats Pr0n of the Day: U.S. Map of Hate Speech on...

Thu, 16 May 2013 19:46:15 -0700

thedailywhat:

Stats Pr0n of the Day: U.S. Map of Hate Speech on Twitter

Since June 2012, Dr. Monica Stevens of Humboldt State University in California has been mapping more than 150,000 geotagged tweets that contain homophobic, racist or abliest language. The result is the Geography of Hate, an interactive map of the U.S. which reveals the hotspots of “hate tweets” across the country. A deeper analysis of the project is available at Floating Sheep.

The Eastern half of this country needs to get its SHIT TOGETHER.

My life story in public.

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:07:24 -0700

My life story in public.

SCAR protests USC staff Title IX violations

Mon, 13 May 2013 21:53:45 -0700

coveredinbandaids:

Today, members of the Student Coalition Against Rape banded together to protest the recent (and ongoing) civil rights violations perpetrated by specific faculty — including DPS officers, employees at the Student Counseling Center and Engemann Student Health Center, SJACS committee members such as Raquel Torres-Retana, and the growing list of administrators who have not responded to direct correspondence from students.

The fight continues. A group of fellow-minded students and I wrote a petition and organized a similar protest 2 years ago over that heinous Kappa Sig email, which was really just the tip of the iceberg of the culture maintained at USC. We met with the administration a few times, wrote a petition, and then we all graduated within a month. And yet, I see that progress hasn’t moved far enough. They still don’t listen to the students’ demands. A demand for basic dignity, safety, and respect. And that’s deplorable.

More evidence that BUB is the best.

Sun, 12 May 2013 19:39:44 -0700

More evidence that BUB is the best.

"Princeton University psychologist Susan Fiske took brain scans of heterosexual men while they looked..."

Thu, 09 May 2013 21:11:07 -0700

““Princeton University psychologist Susan Fiske took brain scans of heterosexual men while they looked at sexualised images of women wearing bikinis. She found that the part of their brains that became activated was pre-motor - areas that usually light up when people anticipate using tools. The men were reacting to the images as if the women were objects they were going to act on. Particularly shocking was the discovery that the participants who scored highest on tests of hostile sexism were those most likely to deactivate the part of the brain that considers other people’s intentions (the medial prefrontal cortex) while looking at the pictures. These men were responding to images of the women as if they were non-human.””

- The Equality Illusion (via lesilencieux)
Just FYI. Objectification is a thing.

"I love Los Angeles. I know a lot of people go there and they see just a huge sprawl of sameness. But..."

Mon, 06 May 2013 20:56:08 -0700

“I love Los Angeles. I know a lot of people go there and they see just a huge sprawl of sameness. But when you’re there for a while, you realize that each section has its own mood. The golden age of cinema is still alive there, in the smell of jasmine at night and the beautiful weather. And the light is inspiring and energizing. Even with smog, there’s something about that light that’s not harsh, but bright and smooth. It fills me with the feeling that all possibilites are available. I don’t know why. It’s different from the light in other places. The light in Philadelphia, even in the summer, is not nearly as bright. It was the light that brought everybody to L.A. to make films in the early days. It’s still a beautiful place.”

- Catching The Big Fish by David Lynch

(via bbook.)

I love it here, OK? And so does David Lynch.

Whenever people try to demonize Muslim culture as being more...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 09:04:25 -0700

Whenever people try to demonize Muslim culture as being more sexist than western culture, I’ll just point them to this.

pennyloafing: Girls and guys!! Don’t let anyone try to shame...

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 13:50:25 -0700

pennyloafing:

Girls and guys!! Don’t let anyone try to shame you into presenting yourself in a way that doesn’t make you feel 100% confident and good about yourself. Rock your body and your aesthetic and let others rock theirs.

I like dis a lot.

courtneystoker: [A paragraph from Michael Kimmel’s A Gendered...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:53:28 -0700

courtneystoker:

[A paragraph from Michael Kimmel’s A Gendered Society: Recent survey data suggest a somewhat different interpretation. Junior high school students in north-midwestern states (Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, North and South Dakota) were asked what they would do if the next morning they awoke to find themselves transformed into the opposite sex. The girls thought about the question for a while, expressed modest disappointment, and then described the kinds of things they would do if they were suddenly transformed into boys. Become a doctor, fireman, policeman, or baseball player were typical answers. The boys, by contrast, took virtually no time before answering. “Kill myself” was the most common answer when they contemplated the possibility of life as a girl.]

the-uncensored-she:

takealookatyourlife:

“kill myself” was the most common answer when they contemplated the possibility of life as a girl

And that’s the problem.

Black guy kills some people.

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 19:55:27 -0700

Black guy kills some people.
News: Criminal.
Muslim guy kills some people.
News: Terrorist.
Latino guy kills some people.
News: Criminal.
White guy kills some people.
News: Mental illness. (lost soul, complicated psyche, quiet loner, misunderstood, frustrated with life, experienced recent, traumatic, life-altering events that set him off; not to mention all the positive descriptors that are attached to him, i.e. intelligent, PhD candidate, honor roll student, etc.)

Not gonna lie. I read this as:Woman Accused of Assaulting PIZZA...

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 22:23:30 -0700

Not gonna lie. I read this as:

Woman Accused of Assaulting PIZZA with a Quiche

…and I was really distraught. But upon further reading, I was relieved to know it was only the police who were assaulted. Via quiche.

Point is: I was genuinely worried for pizza for a second…which tells you all you need to know about me.

Excellent Post Spawns Mediocre Post

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 11:48:00 -0700

agnesgalore:

It’s becoming increasingly clear to me that, though I didn’t think about this at the time, I probably started a blog because I need somewhere to vent my boundless rage that is not random people’s Facebook walls…

So here’s the thing that got me all het up this week: gay marriage.

Read More

Agnesgalore’s post is so on point and I may mar it by adding my own two cents, but what the hell!

I know, as a heterosexual white woman, it’s easy for me to say “fuck marriage” simply because it has always been an option for me. I have never felt the sting of society saying “oh…sorry, you’re not allowed.” But I guess that’s part of the reason why I hate marriage as a societal, legal institution. It consistently and historically has been built upon being exclusionary. Before gay marriage, it was interracial marriage; and beyond gay marriage will still be the fight for marriage recognizing trans people, or poly-amorous adults. (And that’s where it ends because no one is gonna legalize bestiality or pedophilia, since neither of those situations have consenting adults, SO STOP COMPARING GAY MARRIAGE TO THAT, OK WORLD?)

Let me just get one thing out of the way, I can understand getting married for emotional reasons. (I’m not even gonna bring up the history of marriage, which straight up refers to women as property). I can understand having a ceremony where you declare your love for each other in front of friends and family, followed by a party where you get drunk and dance. I get that! It’s basically a love party, and I could totally see myself doing that. What I don’t get is that by somehow finding a mate with whom you think you’d spend the rest of your life means you deserve legal benefits over single people or asexual people or anyone! The idea that simply getting a marriage license means you deserve financial and social benefits above others is pretty insane to me.

I’ll back up for a second. Why do we have legal/financial incentives to get married? Well, for one, when these tax-incentives were put in place, there was a single breadwinner in the home and it was the dude. So, getting married provided stability for the woman. Also, there is this standard idea (touted by Mitt Romney during the Town Hall debate) that married parents raise better, more stable children. Which leads me to the last point: clearly the only reason you would get married is to procreate non-bastards and you’d need those tax breaks to help pay for your legit kids.

But, a lot is changing in our country. Fewer and fewer people are getting married, more people are having children out of “wedlock” (God forbid), and the general family structure is changing. Many people are opting out of having kids altogether, does that make their marriage bullshit? Useless to society? Well, according the current arguments in front of the Supreme Court, the answer to that question is intrinsically yes, but they’re just too afraid to say it out loud.

Let me put it this way, it’s becoming more expensive to remain legally single, however more people are doing so. As this money-focused article states:

According to the Census Bureau, the number of single-person households has grown to 31 million, up 15 percent between 2000 and 2010. Meanwhile, husband-wife households are on the decline, now making up less than half of total households. If singles aren’t financially secure, then a large chunk of the country isn’t financially secure.

Is this truly ~~economically~~ socially or justifiably sound?! To me, marriage will always be an issue of class. Not to mention the obsession surrounding weddings which cost an insane amount, and again, exclude people from being able to participate in that aspect of marriage. Do I think gay marriage should be legalized? Of course, yes! But I also think that marriage in this country needs to be redefined and not include ludicrous financial incentives. If it’s really all about love and solidifying a relationship, then we should leave it at that.

And finally, I would say that the issue of gay marriage, in the larger scope of gay rights’ issues, seems to be a superficial one. One that really only benefits a very specific set of gay Americans. I do recognize that I probably have no place in this argument, but I find that there is a larger cultural issue at play here. One in which an ability to get married will not lower the alarming number of gay youths, running away from home because of being spurned/disowned, just to live a homeless life. Or will acknowledge those silenced because of the culture or hateful household they live in now. Gay marriage is probably a step in the right direction, but for now, it is mostly symbolic.

x Best shut down.

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 19:42:34 -0700

x

Best shut down.

Errbody should sign this. All the people.

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 08:16:32 -0700

Errbody should sign this. All the people.

Diets and Exercise: Health-Conscious or Self-Conscious? Part 3

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 08:14:00 -0700

Hi friends! Time to end this trilogy-post.

First, lets be real for a minute: we are, collectively, getting more unhealthy with our eating habits/ working out habits. This is true. But why is this happening? Well, first and foremost, it’s happening because our quality of life is actually going up. We don’t have to fucking forage for food, we don’t have to be on our feet all day farming, we don’t have to go days without food, we don’t have to walk three miles to get to a source of water. Basically, we are living it up in our privileged countries. According to this super informative article:

High-income countries have greater rates of obesity than middle- and low-income countries

However, when we look at just the United States, things are a bit different:

In contrast to international trends, people in America who live in the most poverty-dense counties are those most prone to obesity

Now, why? This is where people get ugly and blame obesity on laziness and an unwillingness to be healthy. Well, let me paint a scenario. Say, you’re a 30-year-old mother. You have 4 kids. You have a husband. Both you and your husband work minimum wage jobs. In fact, you both have to work 2 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet (what with 4 kids and all). So when you come home at the end of your ludicrously long day, do you have the energy to cook a good meal? Do you have the money to buy one of those healthy prepackaged meals from Trader Joe’s? My guess is no to both of those. So, you order from Del Taco, McDonald’s, Jack in the Box, whatever. Because it’s easier. And can you really blame someone for that?

Or what if you’re a teenager with a single parent who works. A lot. So, they give you a couple bucks to go get some food, preferably from the food market down the street, to make yourself a meal. But you’re a teenager and goddamn, you love french fries. So, guess what, you go get fast food because no one is stopping you.

So that is the poverty aspect. There are some areas of the country where people do not have access to fresh food, produce, etc. But even if you did, would you want to spend the money on something that will take time and energy to cook? I don’t know about you, but I barely have the energy to cut a cucumber after an 8-hour-day at my kush job.

The next aspect to this is that the information surrounding obesity and health keeps changing! It’s hard to keep up with what’s right. A couple days ago, an article on Time’s website was talking about how skim milk may actually not be as good for kids as 1% or 2%, which was what everyone was saying for a long time: Skim milk good, all other milk bad because of all the fats and all the fats lead to obesity. And then someone actually sat down and did some comprehensive research and found that that just isn’t true. At all.

Finally, there’s the whole reliance on the Body Mass Index (BMI), which has basically been debunked by scientists as being bullshit. And honestly, you don’t need to do much research to know that because the guy who invented it, Adolphe Quetelet (if his name sounds like he’s from the 18th century, it’s only because he is) had no intention of it being used that way:

This project had nothing to do with obesity-related diseases, nor even with obesity itself. Rather, Quetelet used the equation to describe the standard proportions of the human build—the ratio of weight to height in the average adult

So what do we get from this? Well, are we being unhealthier in relation to the past. Hell yeah! Mostly because we can in more privileged nations. But, also, there is a poverty aspect to this whole thing that cannot be ignored. It’s easy to blame someone for being obese or overweight without really understanding the circumstances surrounding that, and more often than not, it’s because they are poor. It’s easy to indict people when we think they have the same access and time that many of us do. And also, remember that all this shit is relative. If you can, be healthy, use common sense, but don’t torture yourself. The information we get is constantly changing and most importantly, remember that your appearance really has almost nothing to do with your nutritional health.

And just to round this trilogy out, there was a story published in Vogue last spring that Jezebel summarizes here. A woman put her 7-year-old daughter on a vigorous diet and details the adventure:

I once reproachfully deprived Bea of her dinner after learning that her observation of French Heritage Day at school involved nearly 800 calories of Brie, filet mignon, baguette, and chocolate

Now, I’m not saying that encouraging your kid to eat healthier and run around in the park, or join the soccer team, or whatever is a bad thing. However, when we feel the need to put young girls on insane, unrealistic diets, or when of their own volition, girls put themselves on diets, we got some serious issues going on. Where we are allowing deeply embedded societal convictions (based on bullshit and misogyny, not real science or health) to dictate how we live and encourage an unhealthy self-consciousness that can be crippling. And by gum, I am so not down for that and you shouldn’t be either!

So before you lambaste people for being fat. Remember that health doesn’t always manifest itself with a thin figure and that you’re just perpetuating bad stuff. And before you blame laziness as the culprit of obesity, try to put yourself in the place that it affects people the most. It’s not always that easy. All in all, just think about it!

Excellent ad campaign by Men Can Stop Rape.

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:16:08 -0700

Excellent ad campaign by Men Can Stop Rape.

What Can We Learn From Steubenville?

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 10:57:00 -0700

I know this post will be one of probably thousands dealing with this issue, but I’ll talk about it all the same.

I believe that justice was served. Do I believe that these boys and other rapists should spend more time in prison? Hell yeah. It is infuriating to know that if they were caught with 3 ounces of meth they would probably spend more time in jail than they are going to for raping an unconscious woman.

But one thing I am seeing from this is how detrimental rape culture really is, not just to the victims, but to the assailants as well. Rape culture perpetuates this idea that rape is only perpetrated by psychopaths, lurking in bushes, waiting to prey upon women. But, in reality, most rapes are committed by acquaintances or people the victim knows. Rape has no bounds or rules. It isn’t always violent. A woman may not have the chance to scream NO, perhaps because they are unconscious, they are incapacitated to do so, or maybe they are simply afraid to use their voice.

But by identifying rape in these extreme, violent terms, we are passive to the rape that happens all the time. These boys who raped a 16-year-old girl grew up in this culture. They weren’t hitting the girl, they weren’t “violent”, they didn’t drag her kicking and screaming. So… to them, this wasn’t rape. This was just good ol’ fun. Boys being boys. Maybe even just a prank of sorts.

During the trial, one of the witnesses to what these boys were doing was asked why he didn’t do anything? His response:

It wasn’t violent. I didn’t know exactly what rape was. I thought it was forcing yourself on someone.

And that’s a problem. That this young man saw a girl being penetrated while unconscious and didn’t think of that as rape is a problem. But that is rape. Regardless of how much she drank or how much they drank. She was unconscious. She did not say yes. These boys, whether they thought of it this way or not, were raping a young woman.

What’s the take-home from this? Well, the judge, Thomas Lipps, seems to think that it all has to do with social media. After delivering his judgment, he encouraged parents “to have discussions about how you talk to your friends, how you record things on the social media so prevalent today and how you conduct yourself when drinking is put upon you by your friends.”

And that’s also a problem. The idea being “Well! If you hadn’t put this all on the internet, you wouldn’t have been caught raping a girl.” The issue isn’t how they used social media, it’s that they fucking raped a girl. Do I feel bad for these boys? In a way, I do. I feel bad that they have grown up in a culture that defines masculinity the way it does. That rape is considered so “wishy-washy” when it really isn’t. I am sorry that they are made to pay that consequence, but they deserve it.

The solution: to teach young men what rape is, all of its potential forms, because they clearly have no fucking clue. And here’s a good rule of thumb, if she doesn’t say yes, then don’t do anything. Let the woman have a voice, give her a chance to say yes, let’s do this or no, not right now, or no, not ever and respect that choice.

I’ll end with this: I hope these boys truly learn from what they’ve done. I hope others do too. I hope they walk away not feeling that they’ve been screwed by the system, or that they just won’t use instagram anymore, but that they understand sexual violence and speak about it and redeem themselves. I do not see them as victims, I do not feel bad for their lost futures, as CNN so infuriatingly does. Their futures are not lost, they can be reclaimed if, and only if, they do not view themselves as the victims. If they can own what they did and learn from it and teach others about how rape culture hurts us all.

Just so we're clear

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 08:44:14 -0700

Cocaine possession: 3-5 years in prison
Crack possession: 15 years in prison
Pirating music: Civil lawsuit and/or up to five years in prison
What these little rapist shits got: One year in prison